A blessing or a lesson?

You often hear that the people who come into your life are either a blessing or a lesson.

A month or so ago, over a *few* bottles of prosecco with one of my best girls, we were chatting about life.  Since I found Mr (not so) Perfect, conversations about Mr Long Term dwindled but that evening there was a rare mention.  I think I’d said something about being with him so long was a mistake… I think (my memory is slightly cloudy due to the bubbles).  But then I corrected myself.

We had some great times together and made some very happy memories.  We were a good match and yes, it wasn’t meant to be but I can look back on the majority of my time with him and smile.  Yes we don’t love each other anymore but that really doesn’t make him a bad person and yes, he can be stupid a lot of the time but he has a kind heart.  He is/was most definitely a blessing.  Ms S told me how happy that made her and that one day she hoped I would be able to say the same thing about Mr (not so) Perfect.

I’m going to be honest (as always), I didn’t believe his story about his wife being pregnant.  I didn’t know what to believe.  But this week the wonderful world of Facebook confirmed that it was in fact the truth.  They will be adding to their family.  I’m not going to lie, it was like a punch to the stomach.  I thought it was another lie so that I wouldn’t spill the beans to her about his extra curricular activities.  It made me really sad for her, the poor girl thinks she has the perfect life, husband and family and all the time he has still been texting me wanting to see if I am ok.

What annoys me is that he gets to carry on his life as if nothing ever happened, he gets to go home to her, if he needs a cuddle, someone to talk to or to feel loved unconditionally, he has that.  I have to deal with what he’s done and live with a disgusting secret.  I have to pick up the pieces on my own, questioning why he did this and why to me?  What annoys me the most though is that I can’t understand how it’s possible to miss somebody so much when they are quite clearly one of the worst human beings on the planet.  Why is it not just possible for your mind to go ‘He’s a dickhead, you are not permitted to think about him anymore.’

I’m not sure yet whether Mr (not so) Perfect was a blessing or a lesson.

A blessing maybe because aside from being a massive liar and a cheat, to me he was perfect.  He did know how to romance a girl and make her feel special.  He did take me to some great places, give me the ability to feel something I never thought possible and we did make some amazing memories.  He became one of the most special people in my entire life.

A lesson maybe too though.  A lesson in trust, faithfulness?  A lesson to not be a free with my heart?  A lesson in what’s acceptable and what is not?  A lesson to always hold back 5% for you?  A lesson in how to be strong?

Or maybe it’s possible that he was both?

I don’t know, I am not there yet.  But maybe one day Ms S (and all my other readers) I will look back and be able to smile on this situation too.  Until that point though I will continue to put a smile on my face, embrace life and take each day at a time.  Nothing lasts forever, not even your problems.

Love Katie xx

PS – I had a message of concern from someone very special after she read this post. She said ‘your blog’s supposed to be about happiness and this made me sad’. This is NOT meant to be a sad post people. The moral of the story is that when Mr Long Term and I split up, I was so sad. Then some months down the line I was able to look back and smile. That’s my aim about Mr Perfect too, I’m just not quite there yet! I am ok though. Life is good xxx

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