A blessing or a lesson?

You often hear that the people who come into your life are either a blessing or a lesson.

A month or so ago, over a *few* bottles of prosecco with one of my best girls, we were chatting about life.  Since I found Mr (not so) Perfect, conversations about Mr Long Term dwindled but that evening there was a rare mention.  I think I’d said something about being with him so long was a mistake… I think (my memory is slightly cloudy due to the bubbles).  But then I corrected myself.

We had some great times together and made some very happy memories.  We were a good match and yes, it wasn’t meant to be but I can look back on the majority of my time with him and smile.  Yes we don’t love each other anymore but that really doesn’t make him a bad person and yes, he can be stupid a lot of the time but he has a kind heart.  He is/was most definitely a blessing.  Ms S told me how happy that made her and that one day she hoped I would be able to say the same thing about Mr (not so) Perfect.

I’m going to be honest (as always), I didn’t believe his story about his wife being pregnant.  I didn’t know what to believe.  But this week the wonderful world of Facebook confirmed that it was in fact the truth.  They will be adding to their family.  I’m not going to lie, it was like a punch to the stomach.  I thought it was another lie so that I wouldn’t spill the beans to her about his extra curricular activities.  It made me really sad for her, the poor girl thinks she has the perfect life, husband and family and all the time he has still been texting me wanting to see if I am ok.

What annoys me is that he gets to carry on his life as if nothing ever happened, he gets to go home to her, if he needs a cuddle, someone to talk to or to feel loved unconditionally, he has that.  I have to deal with what he’s done and live with a disgusting secret.  I have to pick up the pieces on my own, questioning why he did this and why to me?  What annoys me the most though is that I can’t understand how it’s possible to miss somebody so much when they are quite clearly one of the worst human beings on the planet.  Why is it not just possible for your mind to go ‘He’s a dickhead, you are not permitted to think about him anymore.’

I’m not sure yet whether Mr (not so) Perfect was a blessing or a lesson.

A blessing maybe because aside from being a massive liar and a cheat, to me he was perfect.  He did know how to romance a girl and make her feel special.  He did take me to some great places, give me the ability to feel something I never thought possible and we did make some amazing memories.  He became one of the most special people in my entire life.

A lesson maybe too though.  A lesson in trust, faithfulness?  A lesson to not be a free with my heart?  A lesson in what’s acceptable and what is not?  A lesson to always hold back 5% for you?  A lesson in how to be strong?

Or maybe it’s possible that he was both?

I don’t know, I am not there yet.  But maybe one day Ms S (and all my other readers) I will look back and be able to smile on this situation too.  Until that point though I will continue to put a smile on my face, embrace life and take each day at a time.  Nothing lasts forever, not even your problems.

Love Katie xx

PS – I had a message of concern from someone very special after she read this post. She said ‘your blog’s supposed to be about happiness and this made me sad’. This is NOT meant to be a sad post people. The moral of the story is that when Mr Long Term and I split up, I was so sad. Then some months down the line I was able to look back and smile. That’s my aim about Mr Perfect too, I’m just not quite there yet! I am ok though. Life is good xxx

Advertisements

Catching up on happiness…

It’s been a while since I updated you all on my #100daysofhappiness so thought I’d let you all know my smile moments from the last few weeks…

Day 24 – I know some people don’t believe in fate but I definitely do and love when little things happen to prove to me I am right to believe

Day 25 – Really enjoyed doing something nice for everyone at work #BrewMonday

Day 26 – Nice little eve watching the football with the fam

Day 27 – I know some people hate it but knowing that my 100 days brings happiness to some other people as well as myself

Day 28 – Being the person that someone turns to when they need something sparkly to wear #QueenOfSparkle

Day 29 – Sam Smith tickets finally on way to be reunited with their rightful owner (me!)

Day 30 – Absolutely amazing cake course today. Created this beauty…

cake

Day 31 – Had a lovely day with my family celebrating my Nan’s 83rd birthday. Love.

Day 32 – A good day! The tickets arrived in one piece, I booked train tickets to visit a special someone in Liverpool and have also booked the Anfield Stadium tour after almost 20 years!

Day 33 – had some good feedback today which shows that hard work does pay off

Day 34 – Glad that my 100 days are having a positive effect on others!

Day 35 – Productive planning day followed by a lovely dinner at The Bell

Day 36 – Lovely wine, wagas and Jessie Ware with the best one!

Day 37 – Jack Whitehall’s sketch about why the Lion King is NOT just a kids film… Ha ha!!!

Day 38 – Feeling really positive today! Acknowledgment from someone special that each day I am taking a step in the right direction! Also an unexpected act of kindness from someone made me smile xx

Day 39 – Love that Camilla can put up with my cray-ness about outfits #crazymoron but she still loves me

Day 40 – Nice few drinks tonight

Day 41 – Happy with how lessons in life can change your feelings and actions for the better!

Day 42 – Massage and nails booked for Saturday morning!

Reading back over these last few weeks has again made me smile. I think that the above reasons for happiness really show my true colours as a person and about what makes me tick…. Friends, family, happy work life, music, football, cakes and pampering. Almost all the things I love the most in life!

I think the days of happiness also show that it’s not always material things that make you happy. Yes, buying shoes, handbags and clothes makes me happy. Yes, holidays make me happy but there are also lots of things that money can’t buy which make me the happiest.

One particular thing I’ve discovered this week is the kindness of others. On day 38 I mention about an act of kindness that made me smile. A really old friend of mine has recently left Essex for the great city of Liverpool. During the period where we were both single we partied together and she introduced me to some of her other friends. It was those girls that made me smile on day 38. We’ve not seen each other since that night out really and then, knowing that I have been through a tough time, they messaged to invite me over for dinner to catch up. It’s a really small thing but honestly, I just thought it was so kind of them and I am sure they don’t realise how touched I was.

The other act of kindness was in repayment to something nice that I did. There’s a guy in my office, really laid back kind of guy. Nothing ever bothers him, everything is water off a duck’s back to him. He never gets down, never gets annoyed, never lets anything get to him. I was standing at the printer and heard him sigh which is unusual so I asked him if he was OK. Turns out that something had annoyed him so he ranted and I listened. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time to be honest.

Then later he was sorting his cupboard out and there was a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in there, I mentioned in jest that I was eyeing it up as it was my favourite champagne. He then walked over and gave it to me. He said ‘You have it. You are the only person today that’s asked if I am alright, no other f*cker has’. I was taken aback that obviously something I felt was nothing actually made a difference to him.

So don’t ever underestimate being kind to someone. It’s not about being over the top and super friendly all day every day. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference.

Keep smiling

Katie xx