Digital dating

Dating is fun, so everyone tells me…..

When Mr Long Term and I parted company, I was like a rabbit in headlights.  I had absolutely no idea what to do.  I hadn’t been on a first date for 10 years and now I was faced with starting from scratch.

Although to some I appear confident, bubbly and a total extrovert, I am most definitely not.  I am rubbish at making small talk, have low confidence and have a ‘unique’ sense of humour which doesn’t appeal to everyone.  Recent test results (Myers Briggs profiling) show that I am actually an equal measure of extrovert and introvert.  In addition to all of this, I know I can be very hard to please.  Good luck to the potential suitors out there!!

So anyway, back to dating.  Because there is absolutely NO chance of me approaching a hot guy in a bar myself, I decided that I would follow the advice of friends and join Tinder.  Wow.

Full of men, on your doorstep (or further if you wish).  You select the ones you like the look/sound of and if the feeling is mutual then it’s a match and you are free to chat away.  Here’s my breakdown of the guys I matched with:

  • 85% – match with you and then NEVER talk to you
  • 10% – Wanting hookups only
  • 3% – Those who want a penpal only
  • 2% – Normal people

But you know, it saved me from having to talk to people in the real world and end up tripping up, knocking their drink flying or saying something completely ridiculous without being able to hide behind my phone so I went with it.  I was then also recommended to Plenty of Fish, another dating site. I know a few people (in real life!) who have had success so thought it was worth a try.

Since joining these sites I have been on a few dates.  Most of them with guys I had met online.

The first one, well, I was sooooo nervous it was horrific.  The guy was actually really sweet but WAY too enthusiastic about everything.  Too excitable for me.

Then there were a couple with different guys, all difficult as chat was running dry at points.

Then I met up with a guy in London and we went for a drink (I was driving so just one for me).  He was really nice (bit short) but we got on well.  Then we went to a comedy club in Leicester Square which was great.  Except my date got completely hammered and kept heckling the comedians (REALLY not the one when you are on a first date) whilst stroking my neck and playing with my hair.  Anyone who knows me knows I can’t bear to have my personal space invaded or be touched by people I don’t know.   Last time I drive when on a first date.

Then on a night out at a gig, and thanks to my wing woman Anna, I met Mr Perfect.  It was normal-ish (after Anna pretty much saying ‘my friend fancies you’).  We chatted, it was clear we got on, we exchanged numbers and the rest was history.

Since Mr Perfect turned into Mr (not so) Perfect, I have only had one date.  He was a sweet guy but young, too keen and not for me.

Tonight I have another date (with someone else who is uber keen) and again I suspect, not for me.  That isn’t where the similarities end though.  For the 48 hours leading up to both dates, I have not wanted to go.  Like REALLY not wanted to go, mainly because I’m apprehensive and nervous. But, I will of course go because you never know.

Tomorrow I have my third date since Mr (not so) Perfect, with a guy I met in a pub this week and I am really looking forward to it.

So what’s the difference?  It’s most definitely the Chemistry.  Ridiculous as it sounds, you can feel whether there is a spark instantly when you first meet someone.  So when you meet someone for the first time under normal circumstances (i.e. not online) you already know whether it’s worth giving them the time for a first date.

As a result of this, I have deleted all online dating apps from my phone.  I can’t be doing with having to turn up on a date wondering whether they are tall enough, know how to hold a conversation, they will think I look better or worse than my pictures and ultimately, whether we will have that spark.

Bye bye Tinder, PoF and Happn.  Hello having to practice approaching guys in public, making small talk and hopefully some more comfortable first dates!

Katie xx

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